I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
