I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
