Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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