so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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