i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
