we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
