Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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