she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
