He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize