we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
