would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize