I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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