I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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