She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
