last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
