I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
