all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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