overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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