She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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