Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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