plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
