only if we run a train.
done.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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