she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize