just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
