I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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