My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
