you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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