Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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