Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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