It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am spending my child support on dildos
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize