don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Randomize
