No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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