I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
