Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
