We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
