Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
