I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
