I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
