Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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