We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
