How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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