Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
