Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
