So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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