Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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