Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
