its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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