she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
