the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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