all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
