His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
