i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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