I seem to have left my pride at pride
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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