'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize