So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize