i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
