OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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