Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
