you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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