Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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