I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize