remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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