his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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