HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
