it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
