i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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