He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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