All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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