How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
