wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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