If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
