well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
