I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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