we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
