You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
