im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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