Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
