i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
