literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
zippers are such a cool invention
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
