about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
