Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize