So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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