"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
BRING THE BAGELS
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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