you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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