Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
