Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
